please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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