There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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