my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
