He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
