I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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