Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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