From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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