So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
