I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
