brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
