Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
