So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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