Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
That was an excessively violent trivia night
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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