we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
