Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
