That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize