piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
