i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
