no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
