Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am one with the molecules
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
