Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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