Just fell off a train. Bad.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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