You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
