don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize