shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
