worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
