Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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