Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You were trust falling into bushes
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
