AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
