I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
