We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Can I color on your dick again?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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