I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
