Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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