Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
