am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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