Can Purell be used as lube?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
