I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
