I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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