In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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