So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
