he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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