i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
