On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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