dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
