your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
