he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
