I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
