I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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