If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
