we're chasing vodka with high fives
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
