she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
