She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
