So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
