tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
