Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
