she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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