I smell stomach acid.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
