Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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