it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
