I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
