I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
