Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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