i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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