I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
